Hints for Helping Children and Youth Connect at Church
Let's be honest --what makes church fun and a source of strength in your life is the community you build at a church. Church can become a place of transformation and spiritual depth when you have a sense of belonging. This is true for people of all ages including children and youth.
We live in a busy culture which does not naturally support community building because a sense of belonging takes time and presence. Time is the one thing we don't think we can spare. But it is the one thing that makes a difference in making church a vital part of your family's life.
The good news is that once your family feels at home and connected at church, it is easy to make time for church. It becomes natural. Everybody in the family wants to be there. It isn't a sense of obligation. It isn't just another responsibility or thing to do. It is something you all look forward to.
The tricky part is getting connected. There is a an uncomfortable hump to get over before you feel like you belong. So here are some hints about how to get connected quickly:
1. Acknowledge to yourself and your kids that you don't feel as connected to church as you would like and that you would like to make that a goal. Kids respond better if they know that you have a goal and why you have the goals you have. Also it helps kids understand the importance of making an effort to connect. Most places we connect, like school, work or neighborhoods, we connect organically because we are in constant proximity to the same people naturally. When you choose to join a group, it takes more work and intention, especially a group like a church which only meets once a week.
2. Make it a family goal to become connected. It usually takes about 2 to 3 months of regular attendance at church and participating in "Connecting" activities before folks start to feel connected. So set a time limit of commitment for yourself and your children. It is easier for everyone to get up on Sunday morning and make the push to connect if you know that the push has a deadline.
3. Start in the fall if you can. In the fall everything is getting started and lots of people are new or trying new things so the programs are set up to help people bond.
4. Participate in Family and Multigenerational Connecting Events together. It is shared meals, games, overnight retreats, and service work that promote bonding. If you ask people what their happy memories of church are from when they were children they will tell you about potlucks and camping trips because that is where community is built. We intentionally schedule Connecting Events because they build community.
5. Help your child deepen connections. Some suggestions.
6. Bribery or making deals with your children is okay. There are a lot of parents who make deals with their kids about going to church in order to get them over the hump. Here are some examples of deals that have worked:
7. Listen to your child. Most children complain at the beginning because they would rather sleep in or don't want to be uncomfortable in a new situation. Listen and explain that everyone feels uncomfortable at the beginning and say that you are going to try church for 2 or 3 months. If your child still hates it after several months and they have given it a chance -- that is, they have come to church regularly and attended Connecting Events -- then listen to your child and don't make them continue to do something that makes them miserable. No church situation is right for every person.
8. Talk to church staff for information and strategies. Sometimes staff can help figure out a way to help a child fit in.
For more information contact:
Marion Hirsch, Director of Lifespan Religious Education
hirsch.communitychurch @ gmail.com
We live in a busy culture which does not naturally support community building because a sense of belonging takes time and presence. Time is the one thing we don't think we can spare. But it is the one thing that makes a difference in making church a vital part of your family's life.
The good news is that once your family feels at home and connected at church, it is easy to make time for church. It becomes natural. Everybody in the family wants to be there. It isn't a sense of obligation. It isn't just another responsibility or thing to do. It is something you all look forward to.
The tricky part is getting connected. There is a an uncomfortable hump to get over before you feel like you belong. So here are some hints about how to get connected quickly:
1. Acknowledge to yourself and your kids that you don't feel as connected to church as you would like and that you would like to make that a goal. Kids respond better if they know that you have a goal and why you have the goals you have. Also it helps kids understand the importance of making an effort to connect. Most places we connect, like school, work or neighborhoods, we connect organically because we are in constant proximity to the same people naturally. When you choose to join a group, it takes more work and intention, especially a group like a church which only meets once a week.
2. Make it a family goal to become connected. It usually takes about 2 to 3 months of regular attendance at church and participating in "Connecting" activities before folks start to feel connected. So set a time limit of commitment for yourself and your children. It is easier for everyone to get up on Sunday morning and make the push to connect if you know that the push has a deadline.
3. Start in the fall if you can. In the fall everything is getting started and lots of people are new or trying new things so the programs are set up to help people bond.
4. Participate in Family and Multigenerational Connecting Events together. It is shared meals, games, overnight retreats, and service work that promote bonding. If you ask people what their happy memories of church are from when they were children they will tell you about potlucks and camping trips because that is where community is built. We intentionally schedule Connecting Events because they build community.
5. Help your child deepen connections. Some suggestions.
- If you child meets someone at church that your child particularly likes, invite that child over for a play date or have lunch with the family after church.
- Try to strongly encourage your youth to attend the Youth Retreat in September. That really helps youth get over the hump fast.
6. Bribery or making deals with your children is okay. There are a lot of parents who make deals with their kids about going to church in order to get them over the hump. Here are some examples of deals that have worked:
- You can either sit with us in church or you can try the children and youth program.
- If we go to church, then we will go out to lunch afterwards.
- You can either go to high school youth group in the evening or you can get up in the morning and come to church with us.
- If you go to church, then I will ......
7. Listen to your child. Most children complain at the beginning because they would rather sleep in or don't want to be uncomfortable in a new situation. Listen and explain that everyone feels uncomfortable at the beginning and say that you are going to try church for 2 or 3 months. If your child still hates it after several months and they have given it a chance -- that is, they have come to church regularly and attended Connecting Events -- then listen to your child and don't make them continue to do something that makes them miserable. No church situation is right for every person.
8. Talk to church staff for information and strategies. Sometimes staff can help figure out a way to help a child fit in.
For more information contact:
Marion Hirsch, Director of Lifespan Religious Education
hirsch.communitychurch @ gmail.com